“Usually adult males who are unable to make
emotional connections with the women they
choose to be intimate with are frozen in time,
unable to allow themselves to love for fear that
the loved one will abandon them. If the first
woman they passionately loved, the mother,
was not true to her bond of love, then how can
they trust that their partner will be true to love.
Often in their adult relationships these men act out
again and again to test their partner's love.
While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that
he can no longer receive his mother's love because
he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out
in ways that are unworthy and yet demand
of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love.
This testing does not heal the wound of the past,
it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will
become weary of being tested and end the relationship
, thus reenacting the abandonment.
This drama confirms for many men that they
cannot put their trust in love.
They decide that it is better to put their
faith in being powerful, in being dominant.”
~ bell hooks
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